So let me sum up: Guy can’t get wife pregnant since he is shooting blanks, so he pays the neighbor to hump his wife and get her pregnant for him. Fee is $2,500 for three nights a week over the next six months. After all that bumping uglies, there’s nothing growing in the pot, so then they all get tested. Turns out the neighbor is also shooting blanks, and his wife is forced to admit that their two children are not his. You can’t make this shit up.
Some 18-year old kid in the UK painted a 60-foot penis on the roof of his mum’s and dad’s £1million house. Because he hasn’t matured yet beyond the point of giggling about dick. Or he wants to advertise his penis review burlesque show to the pilots in that region of the world. Both seem equally plausible (va BBC)
That’s right. And do you know why I say Studio Art Majors are whores? Becuase I have a goddamned chart that shows they are whores. Do you have a chart showing they aren’t whores? No. Are you a Studio Art Major who has no chart proving otherwise and is now realizing you are, in fact, a whore? Good. Thank the internet.
Oh, and mathletes don’t even know what sex is, unless they are sticking their hoo ha’s into the golden ratio or rubbing their cooters on Pi. (via forwardOn)
Better than the movies themselves, in so many ways. I tell you what, if I walked into a bar and saw an Alien and a Predator kicking back and playing pool, I’d go there every night. Because eventually those two are going to cause a ruckus when one loses the bet, and shit is on then. (via Super Punch, and more sweet sweet versions are there)
A quantitative analysis of cinematic trilogies for geeks. (Via Dan Meth)
A letter sent to school after a girl drew picture of what her mother did for a living. Apparently that is not a drawing of this kid’s mother rubbing her cooter on a pole for money, but instead of her finding the last shovel in the “back room” at Home Depot where Mommy works. Right. The back room. Almost fooled us. (Via Buzz Newsroom)
And I mean big. Hootermongous. Get it? Because she has big boobs. And feathers. At Carnival. Which is a festival. Of boobs. Or so these pictures from The Big Picture over at boston.com lead me to believe (via The Big Picture, which is an absolutely awesome thing to have in your RSS…great pictures of just about everything stunning…not just chesticles).
Concept Bra Dryer (we all know the truth: it makes boobs hotter) from BraDryer.com.
He spent 33,000 hours to build an exacting model of Herod’s Temple, it’s 20 feet x 12 feet, it’s still not complete, and all you people out there who think you can build models like tiny helicopters, teensy planes, little boats, etc., you all are not worthy of sucking his 78-year old left earlobe. Although if the type of models you build are like Giselle Bundchen, then you rock. (Via Telegraph)
Why would you do this? Because flies suck. They don’t do anything. They’re like ants and that Mitch Hedberg skit: “I got an ant farm. Them fuckers didn’t farm shit!” But now, with some matches, a razor, and some glue, those little bastards are finally going to pay.
(Source unknown)